on the list

the latest fisher price catalog came in the mail today. he is currently looking through it...
the kid: can we get this?
me: we'll put it on your list.
the kid: okay. can we put this on the list, too?
me: sure. it's on the list.
the kid: and this... and this...
me: we'll put the whole book on the list. how 'bout that?
the kid: make sure you take the girl stuff out first. and the baby stuff. got it?

the drive-thru

the hubby and the kid were on the floor playing with his cars. how telling is it that I heard the kid say, "chicken, fries, and a diet coke, please."?

He's allive

mommy, Jesus died on the cross because He loves us, but He's not dead. He's alive at heaven. isn't that awesome?

how not to be scared

after we spent 30 minutes holed up in the bathtub while the tornado warning sirens were going off...
I was a little scared, but then I prayed and asked God to help me not be scared. and then I wasn't scared any more.

rhinoceros

apparently, the hubby let the kid sleep with him while I was out of town...
the kid: mommy, I'm really tired. can we go to bed now?
me: YOU are ASKING to go to bed??? did you and daddy stay up late last night?
the kid: no. but I couldn't sleep 'cause daddy snores like a rhinoceros. it's hard to sleep when someone snores like a rhinoceros.

surprise!

the kid: did you bring me a surprise?
me: I brought you TWO surprises. because I heard you were EXTRA good.
(handed him 2 toy lizards)
the kid: these are my favorite and just what I wanted! hey, daddy. you can have the blue one. hey, mommy. I gave daddy the blue one 'cause he was good, too. so he needed a surprise, too.
me: I was good. do I get a surprise?
the kid: you can't bring yourself a surprise. silly mommy.

behaving

me: were you good for daddy?
the kid: yes, I was very good.
me: did daddy behave?
the kid: yes. I am so proud of him.

umm... zzz

the kid: mommy, can you get me something to eat, please?
me: what would you like?
the kid: umm. umm. uh...
me: think about it and let me know when you decide.

5 minutes later, he's snoring.

surprise for daddy

the kid used a crayon to make an imprint of a leaf on paper for his daddy, and it's hanging on the fridge...

the kid: okay, mommy. so here's the plan for when daddy gets home. we tell him to close his eyes and then he has to follow us so we can show him. (whispers) but it's a surprise, so don't tell him.

me: that's a great idea.

the kid: I know. it's gonna be GREAT!

time to wake up... NOT!

7:15am...
the kid: mommy, wake up. the sun is up.
me: can't we just go back to sleep?
the kid: no, mommy. when the sun is up, it's time to get up.
me: (grumble grumble)
7:30am... the kid is asleep on the couch and I'm wide awake. there's definitely something wrong with this picture!

how many minutes?

the kid: mommy, how many minutes 'til daddy gets home?

me: 2 hours.

the kid: what does that mean?

me: a long time.

the kid: I don't want it to be a long time. can you call him and tell him to make it not a long time?

me: sorry, but it doesn't work that way.

the kid: then daddy needs to fix it. pleeeeeeease!

what, honey?

the kid: mommy?
the hubby: yes?
the kid: I said "mommy".
the hubby: that was mommy.
the kid: no, daddy. mommy says, "what, honey". you say "yes?".
the hubby: oh. my bad.
the kid: mommy?
me: what, honey?
the kid: see, daddy? I told you!

don't break my heart

mommy, my heart needs chicken and fries. because if it doesn't get chicken and fries, my heart will break. please don't break my heart, mommy.

shoo fly!

the kid (whispering): mommy, there's a bug flying in here.
me: what???
the kid (whispering): shhhh! there's. a. bug. flying. in. here. (pointing at a fly)
me: hey fly! get outta my house and stop bugging my kid!
the kid: thanks, mommy. you're awesome.

accidents happen

the kid: sometimes accidents can make people sad, so we have to be careful. right, mommy?
me: yes, you're right.
the kid: so mommy, make sure you pay attention to stuff 'cause you don't want to make people sad. even if it's an accident.

left vs. right

the kid and the hubby were playing, and the kid was giving directions...
"go left, right, left, left, the other left."

yeah, that's my boy!