someone to hold

the kid: mommy, do you need to hold someone?

me: um, I don't know. what do you think?

the kid: I think you need to hold a cute little kid.

me: oh?

the kid: yeah. and I'm a cute little kid, so you're in luck.

me: yes, I'm very lucky. come here, cute little kid. let me hold you.
the kid: I thought you'd never ask.

we're supposed to share

I finally got a turn to play the Wii all by myself, and minutes later the kid tries to sneak the controller away from me.

me: excuse me? I'm playing a game by myself. you need to wait your turn.
the kid: but mommy, it's all of ours, and we're supposed to share. right?
the hubby: he's got you there, sweetie.
me: fine. here. you can play. I'll just watch. (sigh)
the kid: thank you, mommy. when I get to the hard parts, you can play and then give it back to me when I want to play again, okay? I love you.

just what I wanted!

I just love that the kid's response to EVERY gift he opened was an excited "that's just what I wanted!" -- even the clothes.

makes a mommy proud!

snow vs rain

the kid: when is it going to snow? it's supposed to snow on Christmas Eve.

me: it's too warm outside for snow, so we probably wouldn't see any today. 

then, when it started raining...

the kid: mommy! look! it's Christmas Eve snow! it melted and turned into rain!

the only rule

mommy, you need to do what I say, okay? that's my only rule.

power of persuasion

upon seeing a commercial for some kind of shoot'em up video game...
the kid: I want that!
me: that's for grownups only.
the kid: do you want that?
me: noooooo.
the kid (nodding his head): daddy, do you want that?
the hubby: ummmm...
the kid (nodding more vigorously): yeeeeeees.

abomination

showing a picture he just drew to his daddy...
the kid: it's a rocket and it 'sploded up from the bominations.
the hubby: you mean a bomb?
the kid: no, daddy. say it with me. uh-bom-ih-nay-shun. abomination. it 'splodes things up.

surprise!

the kid: bye, mommy. have a great day. and remember to bring me a surprise.
me: you don't need a surprise.
the kid: yes. I need two. I need two surprises.
me: one.
the kid: okay, it's a deal. one surprise. and make sure it's a good one.

I didn't even see it coming.

I know everything.

the kid: I know everything.
the hubby: oh yeah? then what's two plus two?
the kid: four.
the hubby (to me): how does he know that?
the kid: 'cause I know everything.
yeah, we're doomed.

kevinly peace

♪ silent night. holy night. sleep in kevinly peace. sleep in kevinly peace. ♪

I wasn't talking to you.

the kid: mommy, can I talk to daddy?
me: yes. go ahead. he's right there.

the kid: daddy, can you come play my game with me?

the hubby: not right now.

the kid: but mommy said "yes".

the hubby: that's not what she said "yes" to.
the kid: daddy! you weren't supposed to be listening. you should only listen when I'm talking to you!

pancakes vs donuts

the kid: mommy, can we have pancakes tomorrow?
me: what about donuts?
the kid: the donut place is gonna be closed. so we need to have pancakes.

butt cleaner

daddy, mommy's a good butt cleaner. but you don't do it right. next time I need help wiping my butt, you should watch mommy so you can learn how to be a good butt cleaner.

that's rude!

the kid: mommy, daddy called me grumpy pants.

the hubby: I did not. I said "smarty pants".

the kid: you shouldn't say that, daddy. it's rude.

the hubby: sorry. I didn't realize it would hurt your feelings.

the kid: it didn't hurt my feelings. it made me mad. and that's rude.

the hubby: I'm sorry. I'll be nice.

the kid: good. 'cause I'd hate to see you get on the naughty list.

where's Kevin?

the kid: mommy, what is Kevin like?

me: Kevin who?
the kid: Kevin isn't a who. it's a where. 
me: what?
the kid: you know. Kevin. where God lives.
me: oh! you mean heaven.
the kid: yeah, Kevin. what does it look like?

forever...

"mommy... I love you and I want to keep you forever!"

Yeah, my heart melted!

a father or a daddy?

me: be nice to your father.

the kid: he's not a father. he doesn't have a mustache.

me: "father" is just another word for "daddy". it's the same.

the kid: no. they're not the same. they're different.

me: what's the difference between a father and a daddy? 

the kid: a father has a mustache. and... um... and that's all I know.

naughty or nice?

the kid: mommy, you better be careful. you're almost on the naughty list.

me: why?

the kid: you said something I don't like, and that's naughty.

me: that doesn't make me naughty. it's my job to tell what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. 

the kid: hmph. we'll see about that.